If you’re struggling in your relationship, you might be thinking about leaving. That’s a normal human reaction, since we all are programmed to avoid pain. However, many an otherwise good relationship has ended because of the failure to understand one simple truth that mindfulness will reveal: your life lessons have nothing to do with your partner. You need to learn whatever you need to learn. Most of the time, whether or not you learn it in relationship with your partner is irrelevant.

We are not usually taught the empowered truth about relationships, which is that your partner’s reactions are never about you. Similarly, your reactions are never about your partner.

We may even take our ignorance a step further by blaming our partner for their weaknesses and faults — even saying it was because they were (insert xyz negative quality) that we left. This is called projection. When you do that, you are giving away your power.

Luckily, no one can take your power without your permission. The only limitations to the expression of your power are internal. And the lessons you have to learn about your  power are yours whether you are in a relationship or not.

There are three keys to being in a conscious, healthy, working relationship:

1. Both partners need to understand that their job is to work on themselves, and be committed to doing so no matter what.
2. Both partners need to understand that their relationship offers the opportunity to love unconditionally.
3. Both partners need to have effective relationship skills. 

When you and your partner both assume ownership over your respective work of personal development — not because you are pushing each other, but because you understand the value of personal growth — you become free to be in each other’s lives as witnesses and companions on this blessed journey of discovery.

When you and your partner both understand that your relationship is where you practice loving unconditionally, you become free to focus on what matters and to love in a way that reflects divine truth.

And when you have effective relationship skills, you can remain connected to the innate freedom of conscious relationship while being able to live authentically in a shared space with another human being. Essential skills include the ability to own your own stuff, to effectively negotiate, to communicate from the heart, and to please your partner when making love.

Prior to evaluating your relationship, try to answer the following set of questions for yourself personally:

• Who are you?
• What gifts are you here to bring into the world?
• How will you support yourself through your gifts?

If you don’t know the answers to these questions, you are not really available for a relationship because you are not grounded in your own energy body. It will be hard to live in harmony with anything (or anyone) else as long as that is the case. Furthermore, it is dangerous to choose a partner at this stage because you won’t be able to distinguish between those who are a good energetic match for you and those who are not.

So if you are having conflict in your relationship, first ask yourself if you are available for a relationship. If not, get busy working on yourself.

Once you determine that you’re available for a relationship, practice understanding the keys listed above. Your success depends only on your ability to get your ego and personality out of the way so you can hear and resolve your own inner conflicts, express unconditional love, and master the skills of conscious relationship.

Your relationship struggle is never about the other person. It’s only a symptom that there is a call for you to express divine consciousness, either in your own being or in relation to your companion.

Withholding projections, you will be able to clearly see. And with that clarity will come the ability to really love.

To your success,

Kimberly