Only 17% of marriages are happy – and 50% of all marriages end. Frustration, burnout, disillusionment, poverty, and even health problems can be the result.

If you’ve had a broken heart (and who hasn’t?), you may be wondering why love is letting us down. Many of us walk away from love for years. But within all conflict, there is something to learn — and it’s not how to protect yourself even more.

As a leadership coach, I observe that having your sword up against love will actually impact your ability to be successful in your business or career. Everything is connected. The most successful people prioritize a safe, nurturing, evolutionary partnership that fosters their greatness – not the cognitive dissonance that comes from partnerships that are the opposite. Even if you aren’t in partnership, holding love at arm’s length will keep your success one step away, as well.

The same shift in consciousness that produces real love also produces real success. Practicing mindfulness will help you achieve both.

So let’s take a look at what that is. I call it “laying down your sword.”

Imagine that in your psyche, you have a Judge. This shouldn’t be a real stretch, because it’s actually true. Your Judge carries a clipboard, a ruler, a gavel — and a sword. She may be dragging a chest full of files with measurements from every past experience, inner and outer, behind her. The Judge doesn’t hesitate to measure anyone or anything to see if they meet standards, and metes out punishment or praise accordingly.

Your Judge is a valid part of your psyche. His purpose is to keep you safe. But, although his information is useful, he often goes about things in the wrong way. He doesn’t have the full view of life or approach life from wisdom and compassion. As a result, the Judge is not a safe driver of your life experience. He will take you over the nearest metaphorical cliff.

Laying down your sword is an act of power. You do this by making your Judge take a back seat. Since fundamentally she comes from the experience of not-enoughness, making her sit down gives you the only real possibility of creating ENOUGHNESS and therefore ABUNDANCE in your life and business. Instead of judgment, your wise self can bring presence, curiosity, appreciation, and gratitude to life.

Without a sword in your hand, you’ll see clearly What Is (that is called “discernment”) while remember that other people’s journeys and lessons are not about you. You’ll be able to bless and support them in the work they need to do. Coincidentally, you’ll also remember that you have your lessons to learn, too, and you’ll stay busy learning them instead of trying to throw your judgment around.

Does this mean you’ll tolerate disrespectful behavior? No. You have the ability to choose what works for you and what doesn’t. But when the judgment falls away and you are no longer ready to fight, you will finally be able to love — the kind of love that sees through the mask of pain and brings forth a new level of understanding in everyone it touches.

Try it and you’ll see. Surrendering the sword is relaxing into curiosity, trusting in the innate blamelessness of all people, and pulling back projections. And when you are disarmed, you will find playfulness, clarity, and real love in its place.

To your success,

Kimberly